You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
