When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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