Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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