Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
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All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
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You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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