Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
