So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
