drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
