Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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