I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
