meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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