the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
