there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
