I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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