I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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