My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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