i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Two words: blizzard sex
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
