i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
how drunk are you?
Several
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
