nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
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You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
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He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.