yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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