I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize