Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
