I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
