dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
