Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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