I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How external is "for external use only"?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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