Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
