He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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