your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
