I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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