Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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