Where did you get a picture of my penis
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
