Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
