Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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