if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
