We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
