he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
