When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
