we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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