Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
where does the pee come out of this thing
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
