Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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