so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
