All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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