Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
