i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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