the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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