the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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