While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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