I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
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she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
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If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Never underestimate the power of titties
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