I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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