did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
