I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
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I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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