you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
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she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
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Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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