Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You may now shotgun with the bride
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
