I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
