I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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