honey bunches of taint.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
