we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
