We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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