someone owes me an orgasm
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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