I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
