Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
if only i could text you this smell
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
