sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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