Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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